Kite Flying Day

Strange Brew

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

People have been telling me how they cannot get through me because of my reserved nature. Whatever means, I am always having a hard time opening up. One of the hardest things for me is being too personal in my writing, I find it too daring to even start with. So I have been reading a lot lately on how vulnerability can be one of a writer's most powerful tool.

I always have things stirring inside me. It gets too active especially on wee hours of the night. So many things I wanted to say, all bottled up in my private mind. Just here, trying to get out, but it just won't. All these, well depicted in Charles Bukowski's "Bluebird":

“There's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see you.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that he's in there.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess me up?
you want to screw up the works?
you want to blow my book sales in Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him die
and we sleep together like that with our secret pact
and it's nice enough to make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do you?"

Such beauty, a masterpiece.

Brewing inside me are things just waiting to be told. I wanted to tell you all about my deepest hurt and disappointments in life, how I resent some of it and how I don't. My aspirations in life, all eager to be heard and to be put into action. And if you really know me well, I wanted to tell you how in the zone I get just by even thinking about all the passions I have. Lurking inside me is this big hunger to feed my soul with God's grace, we have all our lives to discuss about how great that guy is. Big things like how I wanted to venture into trading in the mere future, how butterflies flutter around the guy I like, and how fear and insecurity tries to take a bite out of me. Philosophy and just anything under the sun. Just wanna talk about the mundane.

Hear me out.

Let's talk someday.

A 13-Year Word Vomit

Thursday, January 7, 2021

It took me 13 years to start writing again, it's been a while. Looking back at all these cringeworthy blog posts, I never thought that I sounded like a whiny spoiled brat. I honestly thought that I was making good writing content then, I was delusional. But hey, aren't we all are at some point? Of course I've thought of making a new blog to hide away the darkest of pasts that is this blog, but nah, let people see.

Fast forward to today, yes. I'm currently on my third decade of living, three in the morning on the other side of the world, trying to collect all my thoughts as I type away. After college, I've practiced my profession in the province for prolly 3 years, and then moved to the heart of the city to practice Nursing in a big institution for yet again, another 4 years. I didn't settle for less, or so I thought. The irony of it paved way to where I am today, Ireland aka Emerald Isle. I am nearing my 2 year count this May, cheers to self.

So many things have happened for the past few years, but still I don't know what to write. How do you tell people what you are up to for the past 10 years or so? Here's the thing. I've been in countless failed relationships and friendships, that I did not see coming. I always have walls around me since then; but since I HAD faith in people, I let it down only for them to break it. Funny how people can make and break you real bad sometimes. But learning from it, I know I should not be too hard on myself and that I should give other people their chance. The devil in me says otherwise, the trust issues ensue.

Did I mention that the world is now battling a friggin' pandemic for almost a year now? Corona Virus. Just when they developed a vaccine late 2020, a new variant of the said virus emerged. Hence, back again to square one despite the numerous lockdowns. A heck of a year 2020 has been, but so much hope for this new year. Sometimes, you just know.

Funny how time flies.

I better go back to bed for my morning job.

How exciting.

Get Busy With The Fizz

Friday, December 19, 2008

If I could just sleep for the whole Decembreak, so I could stay awake for the rest of sem; I'll grab the opportunity so I won't have lots of problems staying up during the wee hours making piles and piles of paperworks.

Good Morning Everyone! Just woke up from my 12 hours of straight sleep. :] If you're wondering what I've been up to lately, well then you might find the answers here on this single post alone.

So I'm not the same busy bee that I was last sem. Of course, of course I kinda like it that way not only because the power of allotting my spare time for some things is just within my grasp; but because I'm getting high grades by just relaxing and by just being my carefree self. Call me wierd, but I have the capacity of functioning well by just what? Keeping my eyes close?! haha, Ok so I may be exaggerating a bit, but I hope you do get the message clearly now. :]

Speaking of which, we just had our NAT (Nursing Aptitude Test) a.k.a Battery Exam last Sunday (12/14/08) wherein we headed to Aliw Theater afterwards to watch Ang Tatlong Kwento ni Lola Basyang and goof around the crowded place of Star City. Some said that the BatExam was hard, some said it was easy. I say, I was lucky enough to finish the whole exam with a few (and when I say few, I really mean it) specs of certainty because I know a lot who didn't manage to finish the whole exam because of time constraints. I just hope that we'll all be able to save a slot for ourselves on Class of 2011.

M'kay, so I admit forgetting about the entire blog scene for a while. I dunno but I guess I was too much of becoming a school girl lately. But not because I'm turning myself into a kickass-geeky-grade-conscious-nerd wannabe, but because I'm always looking forward hanging out with all my kickass friends. And just so you know, this will be the last time that we'll be able to choose our blockmates so we're seizing every moment and making the most out of it.

And oh, I was about to go to Arriba Fest yesterday. Not that I wanna see Christian Bautista sing his heart out with cheesy melodramatic songs, but I wanna see Taken by Cars rock the serene streets of Intramuros. :] That was the original plan. But unfortunately, Zab and I got lazy at the end of the day so we just headed right home and slept the whole night away. Popping regrets as I play December 2 Chapter VII.

Anyways, I'll end this post now. Happy Holidays Everyone! :]

Labels: friends, holidays, schools