People have been telling me how they cannot get through me because of my reserved nature.  Whatever means, I am always having a hard time opening up.  One of the hardest things for me is being too personal in my writing,  I find it too daring to even start with.  So I have been reading a lot lately on how vulnerability can be one of a writer's most powerful tool.  

I always have things stirring inside me.  It gets too active especially on wee hours of the night.  So many things I wanted to say, all bottled up in my private mind.  Just here, trying to get out, but it just won't.  All these, well depicted in Charles Bukowski's "Bluebird":

“There's a bluebird in my heart that

wants to get out

but I'm too tough for him,

I say, stay in there, I'm not going

to let anybody see you.

there's a bluebird in my heart that

wants to get out

but I pour whiskey on him and inhale

cigarette smoke

and the whores and the bartenders

and the grocery clerks

never know that he's in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that

wants to get out

but I'm too tough for him,

I say,

stay down, do you want to mess me up?

you want to screw up the works?

you want to blow my book sales in Europe?

there's a bluebird in my heart that

wants to get out

but I'm too clever, I only let him out

at night sometimes

when everybody's asleep.

I say, I know that you're there,

so don't be sad.

then I put him back,

but he's singing a little

in there, I haven't quite let him die

and we sleep together like that with our secret pact

and it's nice enough to make a man

weep, but I don't

weep, do you?"

Such beauty, a masterpiece. 

Brewing inside me are things just waiting to be told.  I wanted to tell you all about my deepest hurt and disappointments in life, how I resent some of it and how I don't.  My aspirations in life, all eager to be heard and to be put into action.  And if you really know me well, I wanted to tell you how in the zone I get just by even thinking about all the passions I have.  Lurking inside me is this big hunger to feed my soul with God's grace, we have all our lives to discuss about how great that guy is.  Big things like how I wanted to venture into trading in the mere future, how butterflies flutter around the guy I like, and how fear and insecurity tries to take a bite out of me.  Philosophy and just anything under the sun.  Just wanna talk about the mundane.

Hear me out.

Let's talk someday.